Dear eReader,

Just when does your knowledge reach an end? It seems to go on forever, over every hill, every mountain, every ocean. It is an unending line that only stops when humans stop discovering things. You answer every single one of my questions. You can recite novels with startling clarity, present documents without even breathing. You know the definition of almost all the words, and in the English vocabulary there are millions of words. You can even translate words to certain languages! You can copy comic books with just one disadvantage, you cannot produce colour. Colours seem to sink in your electronic brain like stones in a river. They won’t budge, leaving you with just greys, black, and white.

I’ve been loving you dearly ever since I got you. When I saw you, you were perfect. A purple leather case, the silver words “Rakuten kobo” imprinted on the front, and magnets to keep the cover in place. I’ve had you ever since my tenth birthday, and you’ve been helping me ever since. You bring me joy by showing me my exciting books, and you teach me things I don’t already know with other books.

When I have nothing to do, I walk right up to you, and there you are with a darkened screen and cracked purple case. I gently hold the power button and you light up, excited to bring me more knowledge. When I see you loading, getting your mind together, preparing your documents, a sense of excitement crashes over me. I cannot wait to see you shine, and do what you are really the best at, flawless memorization. I just wish I could memorize sentences, paragraphs, or even novels as well as you can. I beg you to teach me about your secrets.

It must never be lonely for you in your world. You have all the friends you need, from little girls to talking pigs to ancient grandfathers. Your brain is probably constantly moving to find me recommended novels, new authors I could read from, and how much longer I must wait for each book in the Overdrive Library. You do all the work for me before I even say hello to you. Your friends are probably laughing and playing on green meadows, jagged mountains, endless oceans and other beautiful scenic places while you are searching through book after book, categorizing them in the correct way.

You must get tired from time to time, so I kindly switched the sleeping time to just five minutes before you can shut down and relax. Even then you are going through page after page to help me find my next great read. When I am sleeping, you are still working hard to project images on the cover screen, and to keep my data all intact.

You help me with so many things, from learning to relaxing. You provide me with so much knowledge just a click of the power button away. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Aisha

Dear Mechanical Pencil,

You underappreciated cylindrical piece of plastic with lead that scribbles and scrawls all my thoughts out. Thank you. Perhaps you don’t fit in with the fancy charcoal pencils, or the popular and bright coloured pencils, but being a normal pencil doesn’t make you any less important. People don’t applaud pencils enough. Especially in this day and age because of easily accessible writing technology. I know, most kids like me drop, lose and wreck their pencils, which I am occasionally guilty of. Without a pencil, what would scribble your poems, mind maps or notes? Seriously, pencils are really cool, and we should acknowledge that.

Since pencils create such wonders, I ponder what being one feels like. I can’t imagine being dropped, falling multiple times your height to a hard, dirty floor. I’m sorry for knocking you to the floor so often! Life must be boring and a little sad that your only purpose is to make life easier for humans. You may be wondering what being a human is like. Well, I can tell you that we have many more opportunities for what we want to do, make, or be. However, don’t be upset though! Sometimes you’d probably be grateful for not knowing what goes on between humans.

What if you weren’t a pencil!? Imagine how many opportunities there’d be when you can walk, grab, see, and speak! I want to know what your hopes, dreams and aspirations are. I know many pencils would probably become writers because of experience, but there are plenty other options. Possibly swinging on a trapeze at the circus, or developing the next biggest trend. Watched by millions on television, or become a famous artist. Since pencils can create anything, you should be bursting with ideas.

How has your daily life been recently? I know that being a pencil isn’t really the most exciting of lives, but I hope you’ve been getting along with the massive variety of pens. There’s plenty of opportunity to write to them when I’m not using you to sketch. I know, you guys may fight over who contributes most to my art, but you should understand that in order to create a masterpiece, you all contribute. The pens may have a hard outer layer, but on the inside they are fluid and flexible, and make good friends with anyone. Just whatever you do, don’t scribble on eachother, it will be a pain to clean.

Most of all, thank you for helping me create poems, drawings, and helping me record my thoughts and feelings.

Sincerely,
your scribbler, writer and sketcher,
Roselyn

Dear Robert,

How are things going, up in Scotland?

Are your sons trying to steal the throne?

Today a little girl named Sophie appeared on my windowsill, it was quite bizarre since I dreamed of that same little girl in my dream just that night. She is quite polite and very sweet, but she was accompanied by a giant named the BFG. This frightened me, because in that same dream there were nine man eating giants who ate kids and even full grown men and women. They had very bizarre names such as The Bonecruncher, The Fleshlumpeater, The Bloodbottler, The Childchewer, The Meatdripper, The Gizzardgulper, The Maidmasher, The Manhugger, and The Butcher Boy. After I got to know the BFG a bit better, i’d say that he is quite different from the other giants. I might ask Tibbs to sign him up for school to learn good manners and English, he has quite an interesting way of speaking.

During breakfast he ate quite a lot of food, and he didn’t like coffee much even though it was freshly roasted. He wanted something called frobscottle, and he wanted to whizzpop which I thought was some kind of music and I permitted him to do it, but if I had known what it really was I would never have allowed it.

After Breakfast the BFG and Sophie told me about the other nine giants I dreamed about. They said that the other giants ate humans, but the BFG was the only giant who didn’t. Sophie said that it would be a good idea to capture the giants and keep them somewhere away from humans. The BFG said that he would be able to lead us there.

So after a bit of time and consideration we decided to use nets to capture the giants and put them in a huge hole. While we were at the BFG’s cave we brought back some snozzcumbers to feed to the other nine giants, since the BFG said that snozzcumbers tasted disgusting.

Since the BFG wanted to go back to his cave after the capture so we decided to plant him a garden with an assortment of vegetables, to keep him well fed. As for Sophie, she used to live in an orphanage but she didn’t like it there much so we are going to organize her a place to stay.

Sincerely,
Queen Elizabeth of Buckingham Palace

Dear Death,

So your name is death? Well, it ain’t death anymore! That’s because your job is going to end here right now at this second. Look behind you. Do you see the ball of light? I named that invention: Deathdeath. The Deathdeath ball of light is going to end your career. NO more suffering for the humans. We don’t need to die! All of that is just wasting the meaning of life. So, from this moment on, deathdeath is going to declare that death will be no more!

Sincerely,
God

—————————————————————————————————Dear God,

You can’t scare me! My career is going to last all of eternity! I still have to kill all these humans to avoid overpopulation. Now, if you don’t mind me, I am going to throw this ball of light in the compost. Now, I shall proceed to go to the garden and throw out the compost into the dirt for recycling. Finally, as I am done all of that I am going to kill god! You can’t kill me! Only I can have the ability to kill. Now I have to go get a burger. Wait, what’s this ball of light at the door of this burger king store doing? OH NO.

Sincerely,
Death

—————————————————————————————————

Dear Death.

Got you.

Sincerely,
God

Dear Toilet Paper

What happened? Where has all your fame gone? I remember during the time when people panicked because of a new and frightening pandemic. The world was on lockdown. You were so important to so many people. Not for… what you are normally used for but just to collect and stockpile. Why would people hoard you instead of something useful like hand sanitizer or facemasks? I think that people started buying a lot of you because a few people started to get you to use as an alternative to paper towels then other people got it into their heads that they should buy some as well then other people thought I bet that I am missing something that the people who buy all the toilet paper know so I better run and buy some more toilet paper.

In all actuality, this statement is about as far away as possible from the truth which is that once again humans showed their surprisingly lemming-like tendency to follow each other off the jagged cliff of rapid toilet paper buying. This reinforces the theory that we are creatures with one weakness that no other animals have which is that sense of I must do this because everybody else is doing it! I can’t be left out at all! That is completely wrong because if people just used their common sense and thought about why people were buying you then they would see that there was no sense behind all of it after all. Fortunately Toilet Paper you are not human and therefore you do not have all of these nasty traits. Additionally, I do not wish to deny that I have all these traits. I do realize that I have done all these things and thought I can’t be left out many times; at school, at the park and even online.

Therefore, Toilet Paper my rant has led me to conclude that I somehow understand what you’ve been going through. The emotional rollercoaster of being normal and necessary to a prized possession then going back to being boring and normal again.

Yours truly,
Paul