UMBRA By Connie Jin
CW: The following soliloquy addresses the experience of bullying victims, implying sexual molessing and predatory actions, and includes derogatory and sexist language; it is not suitable for all audiences.
[Author’s note]: Umbra is the scientific term for the inner shadow found during a common eclipse, and often appears as a never-ending hole of infinite, vacuum, darkness. Here it is used to describe the character’s complex emotions of despair and frustration.
Rushes home from school to read dreaded report card comments.
[Sighs] This is no big deal is it? Just gonna casually face other’s judgementality…
Opens envelope. Deflates.
Homeroom:
Ciara is an excellent student and a joy to have in homeroom class. However, she seems to lack an interest in social gatherings and activities, and should partake in school athletics in order to branch out.
Puts paper down. Thinks.
[Tries to force a laugh]: The last time I showed up at a school event, the whole class started coughing:
[coughs]: Sorry I’m allergic to whores.
Allergic. To. Whores.
Sighs. Picks up paper again, reads the next line.
English:
Ciara is exceeding expectations with regards to work habits, however, she has a difficult time abiding to book recommendations from both teachers and librarians, refusing to read age-appropriate content and creating a negative influence on her peers.
Struggles a bit to put paper down. Thinks.
[Staggered breathing]: It’s not mentioned that I left school once not on a bus, but on an ambulance, due to the panic attack she gave me for reading All the Light We Cannot See. [Sarcastically]: Because seeing a classmate leave on life support has such a positive impact on the school community.
Sighs. Picks up paper again, reads the next line.
Math:
In Math 7, Ciara has worked well when collaborating, but should work on seeking out help when necessary. For example, she repeatedly declined one-on-one extra help sessions when offered during our Algebra unit and proceeded to struggle with quizzes and tests.
Really struggles to put paper down. Thinks.
He…leaves out the fact that he once barged into our girls-only dormitory during a service trip, sat down on the couch and. Watched. Us. Change.
Silence.
Sometimes, the words they use to define and label and limit us by…sometimes, the words seep in. They become these voices inside your head chanting: you are not enough…you never will be…and you will always be alone. They are there when I make breakfast; they are there when I eat it; and still later; when I'm doing the dishes. They. Are still. There. They are ALWAYS there!!!
[stands up, rips report cards, throws it across stage, runs over in fury and stamps on it, makes fists, collapse in a heap, continues tantrum for approximately 11.7 seconds before somewhat regaining composure]
So what, exactly, do I do? I crouch in a corner of my little world with a pen [grabs pen, uncaps it] and a notepad [position pen and notepad as if to begin writing], and I write. A monologue. It’s called: Umbra.
Picking Up the Pizza: A Tale of Heartbreak and Hunger By Ethan Kapoor
[Setting: A living room with a couch, a TV, and a coffee table]
[Character: Bob, a middle-aged man in his pyjamas, sitting on the couch, holding a remote control]
Bob: [Talking to himself.]
I can't believe she did this to me. After twenty years of marriage, she just up and leaves. And for who? A yoga instructor? I mean, c’mon! I'm a catch! I mean, I may not have a six-pack, but I have a keg. [Trying to reassure himself.] And that's just as good. If not better.
[Pauses, turns on the TV, flips through channels]
Oh great, the Kardashians. Just what I need to cheer me up. I mean, they have everything: fame, money, beauty. And what do I have? A receding hairline, a beer gut, and a pile of unpaid bills.
[Pauses, stares at the TV, continues to flip through channels.]
Wait a minute, what is this? "The World's Strongest Man Competition"? Now, that's something I can get behind. These guys are real men. Look at them! They’re lifting cars! Pulling airplanes! That guy is carrying refrigerators up stairs. Wow! And I can barely lift a bag of groceries.
[Stands up, flexes his muscles.]
But you know what? I can do this. Yeah! Who needs her? I can be the world's strongest man, and then she’ll be sorry! I'll start with this couch. [Grunts, tries to lift the couch.] Hnnnnnhhhhnnnh! Come on, you stupid piece of furniture! [Grunts, tries again.] Okay, maybe not the couch. How about the remote? [He pumps the remote control like a barbell.] Feel the burn! Change the channel!
This is my starting point. I’ll conquer my body, and then, I'll conquer the world!
[Pauses, stares at the remote. Slumps and sighs.]
Or maybe I'll just order a pizza and watch some more Kardashians. Yeah, that sounds like a better plan. Who needs her when you have pizza?
[Bob sits back down on the couch and turns up the volume on the TV.]
Misunderstandings of a Stepmother By Leah Park
Lady Tremaine:
Everyone knows me as Lady Tremaine. Cinderella's evil stepmother. And okay, okay, I'll admit, my methods were a bit heretical for raising children, but face it, would you be able to run a whole household with three ungrateful brats? After you’ve heard the attitude, seen the eye-rolls, touched the day-old, crusted up gel in their hair from late nights, and no showers, it's the least you can do to not scream. For once parents, see that I’m not evil. I’m really not. When children think of me, they just cower in fear. Honestly, I’m glad that my reputation for being strict has gotten out into this mundane world, but “evil” doesn’t suit me. Another thing, I bet every rascal child with a sibling has asked their parents who the favourite child is. If you have said you didn’t have a favorite, I guess that that might be true. But, parents, you would be lying if you said that you didn’t have a least favourite. Would you like to know who mine is? Actually, you probably already know. Ella, you know her as ‘Cinderella’ though. No, I don’t use her as slave labour but yes, I do force her to clean the chimneys in our house. Once though, only once. Anastasia was invited to a school dance and was told to bring one guest. Making the obvious choice, she chose Drizella over Ella. Infuriated that she wasn’t chosen, Ella snuck out of the house. Oh, by the way, from this point on, this is a recounting of the story by Anastasia. So, Anastasia went to the party dressed in a beautiful green dress. Ella, always trying to one-up her sister, dressed in a beautiful baby-blue dress. Truthfully, we would never have gotten into this predicament if Anastasia had worn any other dress then her green one. You know, the colour green is notoriously single. Why? Because it’s so jaded. Yes, go on, you can laugh. So, if Anastasia had a date, Drizella would never have been invited and Ella would have never gotten jealous enough to sneak out of the house. I won’t say what happened next, as you already know what happened, but instead, let you decide how this tale ends.
Now, I hope you can see I’m not evil. I just have kids.