https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ptqB9F9FXz_3hB2HfSbH6q-iM0Ghva6PpIv8uVtf-r8/edit?usp=sharing

There was a girl, me.
Walking along the aisles of walmart
with my parents (I know, unfortunate)
And I saw something,
something AMAZING,
something INCREDIBLE,
something RARE.
It was “Jack the Black Cat”, the squishmallow
Right in front of my very eyes was one of the 500 of these ever
made.
So I said “Hey mom, can I please get this squishmallow?”
“You have too many of those.” she replied
“Please, mom, please dad, this is the rarest squishallow ever.”
“No.” they both said in unison
Of course they don’t care.
They just don’t get it.
“Mom this is super rare, they only made 500 in the whole world!!!
People sell these online for hundreds and hundreds of dollars, it’s only $50 here”
They still don’t care.
I said “If you don't buy it for me I’m literally going to bawl my eyes out, right here, right now.”
And still the answer was no,
So I started bawling my eyes out.
And now I’m grounded for 2 weeks.
Lesson learned, don’t ask your parents for Jack the Black Cat.

Selling babies on an airplane
Babies always bring me pain
Especially when they cry
Every time I see them I let out a sigh
Maybe I could sell them to someone who’s sad
Maybe it is better than whatever they are feeling because it’s bad
I hope they would enjoy it
Or maybe throw it in a pit
I just wish airplanes would stop babies crying or ban babies
Then maybe I wouldn't have to wait until the eighties.
Oh so I wish a depressed person was here
So babies I wouldn’t have to fear

“Trust me, Xiao Yen, the money’s safe with me.”
I can really use some extra bucks: gucci bags sure aren’t free.
“I’ll keep it in my drawer, and save it for your marriage.”
I swear sometimes I just want to throw this failure in the garbage.
“Oh no, I won’t spend it: it’s just for safekeeping.”
Another year closer to getting that lamborghini.
“I promise I will give it back once you go into college.”
Talk back one more time and I will shove you off a bridge.
“Really, Xiao Yen, you are such a flea!”
Now she won’t give me anything… willingly.

Are you an introvert?
Socially awkward?
Do you have no friends
And are so ugly
Nobody wants to date you?
Now there’s a solution!
Make-a-Mate!
You can design them
Any way you want!
Blue eyes?
Brown hair?
Tall? You name it!
Even shape their interests
And hobbies!
Squash!
Running!
Swimming!
Knitting, too!
They will love you
And hang on your every word.
You will never be lonely again!
Get a Make-a-Mate now
At 445makeamate.com!

Ants are misunderstood.
They’re seen as a common household pest
And they’re something most people detest.
But if you look closer,
You might just be impressed.
Trails and streets of organised chaos,
Marching through the unfriendly land
And shuffling through grains of sand.
Intricate roads of pheromones,
Leading through treacherous territory.
Lifting things ten to fifty times their weight,
Carrying bits and pieces of food
Back to the nest to feed the brood—
Something about them is mesmerising,
In a way that I can’t say.
Some craft homes in foliage,
Most do underground,
Some feed on fungus grown from leaves,
And some are more ferocious than a bee,
Able to take down much larger animals.
You don’t need to listen,
But I hope you can see
That ants aren’t just a nuisance
They’re interesting, and unique—
I hope you can keep an open mind, at least.

Once upon a time after a terrible day at school
I saw something that made me want to drool
There were Brain cells for SALE!
Right next to where they sell quail
There were Math,
English,
Reading,
and even gym brain cells!
Now since I was smart …. I wondered
“Who in their right mind would think they would sell?”
After looking for the brain cells I wanted
I was warned by the old man “They are haunted!”
Since I was actually dumb I decided to purchase the brain cells
But then on the packaging it spelled MADE IN CHINA
No wonder there were brains cells to spare but then i wondered How they heck did they end up in south carolina

Part 2 of brain cells for sale
I used the brain cells more and more
Then my good grades started to soar
My teachers thought “didn't he think that these classes were a bore”
I went one week without the brains cells
And my IQ was still the same
Then after some time i realized that these brain cells kinda made me insane
So to this I still am smart but every time i need to fart
My faces turns red my bumhole burns then out pops an egg tart
So lesson learned I won't buy more brain cells made in china

When you visit the zoo
You have to go
See the sloths
Who are super slow.

Slower than a snail
Slower than a slug
Slower than a tortoise
Stuck in a hug

Sloths make lots
Of cute sounds
That make people
Want to gather ‘round

Cuter than a monkey
Cuter than a pug
Cuter than a baby cow
In a big cat mug.

When you visit the zoo
You will know
To see the sloths
Who are super slow.