BOB: (speaking to a professional high jumper in a park) Hey you! Are you a professional high jumper? You are? Then you better retire, bro. Because you’re too old. And you jump too low. You know how high I can jump? One mile! And you can only jump ten inches! I challenge you to a jumping competition.

(Bob jumps. He jumps higher than a mile!)

Ok dude. It’s your turn!

(The high jumper jumps. He only jumps two inches.)

Ha-ha! You can’t jump very high! I won!! You’re the loser! So promise me you’ll retire. You’ll win zero medals. And I’ll win all the metals. I’m the world’s highest high jumper!

(Bob proudly walks away.)

Germ: Hey hand sanitizer. It’s me, germ. We need to talk. I hate when you put this stuff on me. Do you have any idea what happens? First, my eyes burn. I get horribly tired, my tummy hurts, and my entire body aches. Yep, that’s right: You make me sick. Aren’t you supposed to be protecting instead of infecting? I can’t go to work when I’m sick. I have to give the flu to 34 people this week. How can I do this when I’m in bed all day? And I have my cricket tournament this weekend. I can’t miss it. So here’s the deal. Just gummy yourself for at least three to four days. Your choice. That way people won’t be able to put that junk all over me. Then I can get some work done and go to my cricket tournament. Plus it’s hilarious when it sprays in opposite directions onto people’s clothes. Deal? Great. Now I’ve got to go get some runny noses started.

JAKE: (Sitting on the couch in his living room.) Mom, can I play Fortnite? I will do all my homework. I will help you do the laundry. I will make you breakfast today. Pleeeeeeease? Bruh! Please! You made me watch 40 hours of Stranger Things and it was SO scary. The least you can do is let me play Fortnite. I promise to get good grades this year. Only F minuses – I’m kidding! I’m kidding! (pause) I can!? Really!? You promise you won’t get mad after…

I went outside and guess what, it's snowing!I yell out loud in my house:”George! It's snowing!Let's go out to play in the snow!”

A bit later, I and George are playing in the snow.”Snow,snow,snow” I and George sing.

We started pushing a big snowball. It slowly grew larger and larger. It got so big that we persuaded daddy to come out to roll it, and he could only roll it a few inches.

By the time it was four meters large – it fell into a frozen lake! Yikesies, all of our work just disappeared. I was shocked!

My little brother George immediately threw a tantrum:“Waaaaaaaaaa! Honk honk.” So I try to calm George down by saying: “Don’t worry! Honk honk. This time we will make an even bigger one!” Somehow,it worked! I am so proud of myself! As I said,we actually rolled a bigger snowball!

We actually didn’t even end up making a snowman; we ended up killing the snowman and having a snowball fight! Trust me,it was a total disaster,but I think it was really fun!

Santa: Ho ho ho ho Merry Christmas. I love my life. Because I drink so much milk and I love cookies. My favorite part of my life is spending time with the elves. We have snowball fights every day. I always win because I make big snowballs that can hit 40 elves at a time. I like my relaxing nights when I can watch Star Wars while eating popcorn and drinking milk. I’ll tell you a secret about what I want for Christmas: a new reindeer because I accidentally lost one in a snowstorm. I’ll call her Carol. This summer I plan to play many games of tag and hide and seek. Then I'll read 48 books while eating candy canes in my favorite chair.