DANIEL:
(Pant after running)
Guys! I just time travelled! I was clanking and fooling around with the fridge and the toaster. I used an industrial engine, an experimental fusion machine that I modified to my liking. I started by freezing a clock, warping the space around me and, BOOM! It was 10 days in the past. The problem is that I can’t modify the past. That is why my device that makes universes came in handy. I made a duplicate of this universe and separated it so that it was no longer part of the multiverse network and then… I have the power of anything! Enough with the details, I now have the ultimate…(dramatic pause)

Time machine!!!! I discovered four different types of matter and used them to fuel my fusion machine that makes a time continuum/a worm hole that allows you to go back in time.
That’s why I know your darkest secret. Where you hid your money stash and the person you murdered. I can travel to any other universe. I can now do whatever I want to anybody I want. So go home and give me your money. It is a time machine only I can operate. I can go anywhere at any time and win every bet. I can solve any mystery, witness any event, and I can know anything and that makes me smarter than Einstein. I could let you use the time machine if you give me all your money, but it would not be enough, it would never be enough. The thing is, I did my homework, but it’s in the past right now, only I can access it so only I can get my homework. It takes time to prepare the machine, get my homework and come to school. That’s why I am late for school and no, I’m not lying.

(threateningly through your teeth)
If. You. Go. And. Tell on me, I will find where you live. I. Will. Make. The school board fire you
(casually)
and I will sue. So, teacher, get my drift?

In this city, it's a game of currents, and I've been navigating these waters for years. But now, there's a storm on the horizon – a threat to everything I've built. It's not just about profits; it's about survival.

You see, there's a rival eyeing my business, ready to snatch it away like a thief in the night. I can't let that happen. So, I'm setting sail on a different kind of venture.

A boat, that's what I need. Not just any boat, but the kind that commands respect and strikes fear into the hearts of those who dare challenge me. The seven levels of greatness are my ladder to ascend, each step whispered me closer, leading me to that elusive vessel.

I've never been one to beg or borrow, but I'll dance with desperation if that's what it takes. The money I seek isn't just currency; it's a lifeline, a means to protect what's rightfully mine. So, I'm out here, working every angle, making deals, and turning stones to find the funds to build my fortress.

This boat isn't just a means of transportation; it's a symbol of power, a place to those who think they can outsmart me. I'll be furious if I let someone else sail away with the fruits of my labor. The seven levels are my roadmap, and with each ascent, I'm getting closer to seizing control of these waters.

The city might be a battlefield, but I'm not one to surrender. I'll navigate through the tides of adversity, gather the resources, and secure my boat – my ticket to safeguarding the empire I've built. This is more than a quest for a vessel; it's a fight for survival in a world where only the fittest survive.

Hello how are you doing (random pause)
I'm here to sell you a product that will change your life if you buy it.

If you're not interested in my product, well I don't care. See your neighbour over there, he bought my product a while ago and well look at him now. Didn't he used to be a ugly fat bum. Well he is pretty muscular now if you ask me. That's because of MY product.

WHAT you're interested in it now, well sure I guess if you insist. Well the product i'm selling is? Drumroll please. (dramatic pause) Brains cells! That's right brain cells. I have tons of them, all made in China but who cares about their brain cells nonetheless.
I have brain cells that cover all the subjects you could think of from art all the way to folk dancing. We have it all.

How much do they cost you might wonder, well dont worry its only 5 dollars per brain cell and if you buy 1 you could get a chance to get one free.

Well of course you can just buy brain cells for economics, we won't stop you but be warned you might want some other brain cells to help it because only buying one type of brain cell has had a case of someone blowing up.

Well pleasure doing business with you your total is 57.67 $ dollars including tax.

Best of luck!

(To audience) and that folks is how you scam a gen-z out of his life savings. Thank you for your time.

So, I’ve owed taxes to the BRS (Bobolian Revenue Service) for well over ten years now.

I know owing money to the government is bad but –I don’t care! The government is stupid. Why am I giving up some of my hard earned cash for some magic clown in the sky? It's bullcrap.

Nothing that the government does is ever good. Like that one time when the government sent people to fight in that random war. Like who cares, just settle it in a 1v1. You don't need to send thousands of people to die for what land and I dunno water?

Plus what is the definition of taxes? I’m gonna search it up. “A compulsory contribution to state revenue, levied by the government on workers' income and business profits, or added to the cost of some goods, services, and transactions”.

Huh. That's weird. I don't know what these words are supposed to be. What the heck is a “levied” or a “transaction.” I guess I'm considered old now because I don't know all these trendy words.

Anyways yesterday while I was looking up ways to get rich I get approached by the BRS and I remember that encounter with the BRS like it was yesterday.

They slid up to me like a shady street vendor selling illegal ice cream flavors and paperwork. I think they asked me something about tax evasion. Or was it an ice cream flavor? I replied with, 'Well, obviously, chocolate cake is the answer to everything. If the world ran on cake, we'd all be happier taxpayers!'

Seriously, decoding tax talk is like trying to crack a secret code from another planet. 'Levied' sounds like the name of a boss from a video game. 'Beware the fearsome Tax Levied!' It's like they speak in riddles just to keep us confused.

So yeah taxes are dumb.

Kaite’s family is in need of a cure which can only be found in the magical Utopia.

Kaite:
(talking to the villagers)
There is a place called Utopia where myths and fables live. There is all sorts of magic there and Utopia could even have the things to cure mom, little bro, the rest of the town.

WHAT YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME?! Hmph, if you aren’t going to take me seriously then I will have to find Utopia myself.
(To herself)
But, I don’t like the idea of going into the woods all by myself. I can’t believe that they aren’t taking me seriously. I’m sure I can find a map somewhere in the ancient library. Let me go check.
(enters the library, ruffles through the ancient scrolls, looks at each, finds a map)
Ahah! I found it. I better get going soon, I don’t have much time.
(walk to the edge of the woods)
It looks really dark and scary in there. What if there are wolves? Stop it Katie! Think about what it could do for mom and little bro. You can do this!
(Steps into the forest)
Ok, lets see where we have to go. The map says go to the man shaped rock. Which one is the man shaped rock? Haha that one. Ok, now I need to find the great oak tree next to the flowing river. Utopia cure here I go. (leave behind the curtain)
Ahha, oooh, aaaahh. There, there, and there. Onward!
(enter through the curtain again)
Finally, I made it to the end! Now I am supposed to find a tunnel or cave leading to Utopia. Where could it be?! I checked everywhere! Hmph, now there is no way I am never going to be able to cure mom and little bro. (Sits on a rock and falls into a hole) What just happened?! The rock just fell down and now I am stuck in a hole! (Looks around) Wait, is that a tunnel? (Beat) It is! Yes! This must be the entrance to Utopia. Let’s go! (Walks a little) I can see the entrance! (Look around in awe with mouth wide open)

What a beautiful place. I love the fountains with crystal clear water inside. The sun is reflecting off the water. The plants are so pretty. All the floor tiles are sparkling in the sunlight. I can see tons of mythical creatures here. So cool! Agh, Oh are those unicorns, dragons, ahh and dwarves, and any other mythical creatures that you could think of. Ok, let's see where the unicorns are. They are the ones with the potions. Hmm, oh! I see them over there. (Walks a little) Excuse me Mrs. Unicorn but do you happen to

Woah, calm down. I am not going to harm you. I am just looking for a potion that can cure a disease called the Hairy Polkadot Disease.

You can take me to your potions master? Great!

(take a few steps across the stage and then waits for a couple of moments)

Hello potions master, I am looking for a potion that can cure the Hairy Polkadot Disease. I come in peace so no need to be stressed out about anything. Do you have the potion? You do? Great, can I please have 1 bottle.

Wait, you need something in return!? Well lets see, how about this metal bracelet?

Yeah? Great! Thanks potions master, see you again, maybe.

(takes a few steps away from the potion master)
Now how do I get back? I forgot! I am lost! Wait, I can just ask. Excuse me Mr. Dwarf but do you happen to know where the entrance to Utopia is?
That way? Ok, thank you!

(run back and forth on the stage 1-2 times)

Huff, huff, huff. Finally, huff huff I made huff huff it huff huff back. Now to cure everybody! Look guys! I actually got the potion. Yeah, you should be apologizing for not believing me. Now let's get to curing. We put 1 drop of this (Points at the potion) in a cup of water and drink it even if you don't have the disease because then you can’t catch the virus. Ok, here I go.

Hi. I’m the Evil Queen. Yeah, yeah. You’re probably about to run your legs off and scream your lungs out. But. You believe a tale my siblings weaved because they were jealous? (Sigh) Geez. Okay then. I’ll tell you my story. Be prepared. I’m not the ‘evil’ queen you think me to be. So, I started life as a poor peasant. I suffered from…wait for it…siblings. Loud, noisy, annoying siblings. My temper shortened with each passing day. All of my siblings were older or younger than me. I was the trapped-in-the-middle child. No one cared about me. Like at all. I wanted to stand out. I tried everything! Sports, art, music. I even tried English language arts! (Mimes vomiting) I failed. Miserably. When I was 13, I was elected to be the new queen! My siblings envied me. Obviously. However, half the town didn’t even know who I was and randomly voted for me so I was desperate to prove myself. I thought for basically all my life until I was 50 years old. Snow White was already born. I was still in good shape when I decided to become a model. But my siblings made fun of me and advocated their idea that I was too ugly to become a model and Snow White was better! I tried to make myself look more attractive and beautiful but the kingdom criticized me just because I wanted to reach my goal! It was so unfair! Snow White then became a model and queen while I was thrown off the throne!! Injustice! Cruelty! And do you want to know what happened next? I didn’t even plot my revenge against the kingdom! Then when trying to make peace with them, they refused and said I was secretly planning to overthrow Queen Snow White! I died of sadness and loneliness. Not of rage and anger! At the end, I chose to let go. I hope you understand-like actually understand-I wasn’t really that ‘evil’ after all.

Bob is an unpopular part-time influencer and claims to work at an elementary school, and do live interviews allegedly because he “cares and hopes to promote personal well-being and physical health”. He seems to like wearing masks and carrying a large potato sack all the time. He’s late a lot.

Bob streams live from his cramped room, watched by 15 viewers

BOB: Hello, I’m Bob, and today I will be giving you 5 reasons why going outside can help you make more beneficial life decisions! We all benefit from some good fresh air-

Bob pauses, glancing at the chat. This continues throughout the monologue.

Am I- What? O-Oh, this mask, is um, a new fashion trend going on, cool, hm?

A- Anyways, first of all, it would make it so much easier for me to ro- Um, react to things quicker! Yes, having faster reactions! This is because lying down in bed makes you less focused and more drowsy, but fresh air can help you focus- It’s very good for the mind!

Secondly, it would be Hm, what is this gold bar, you say? Oh, it’s, it’s fake, I found it while I was searching for something to steal- something that’s steel, and then I uh painted it for a stage prop! Right, I am a drama teacher!

Anyway, let’s go back to how staying at home isn’t extremely healthy! My second reason is the great variety of houses to investigate- invest in! Going outside will help you be more aware of your surroundings, thus making you more invested in the future...

Hmm, are those police sirens? … Wait… Wanted bank robber? “Known for stealing others’ gold bars and antique artifacts when they aren't at home.” Never heard of it. Oh well, time’s up! I gotta go to my uhh, costume party! Byeeee!

Pulls up mask. Camera recording suddenly stops.