EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS UP AND GET DOWN ON THE GROUND! I don’t want to hear a single word from anyone and there will be no moving under my watch. (points gun around the room before pointing it at the person behind the counter and walking up to them) Give me all the money you have, N O W. . . (pauses and coughs) Please and thank you. (banker runs off and Alex turns to the side to face a random person with a smile)

How was that? Do you think I sounded threatening enough? … I did? Oh thank goodness! I spent weeks practicing. I watched so many bank robbery movies for this, you have no idea. Whew ok! (clears throat and says in a deep voice) On the count of three, I want everyone to SLOWLY drop their wallets on the ground and press their backs against the wall, alright?

One… two… (someone laughs) … I’m sorry but I am TRYING to perform a ROBBERY here so what exactly is so FUNNY? HUH? Do you think I’m a joke or something? Because I’ll have you know right now that I am most definitely not. Like, can you not see (waves gun in the air) the gun in my hand right now? (Alex accidentally pulls the trigger, flinching at the noise as everyone else screams) HOLY MOTHER OF– I did not know that was possible. (laughs awkwardly and sets the gun to the side, kicking it away. Alex turns to see police barging through the front doors)

Alright, alright, who called the cops? C’mon, now I’m sure this all a big misun– Hey, hey whoa! Chill! Wait, are those real? (frightened, Alex puts arms in the air, smiling nervously) Uh, h-hey guys, how about we put the tasers away, yeah? Talk this through like civilized people if you know what I mean. N-now listen, before we jump to any crazy accusations, I’m not a real robber! In fact, this was all just method acting! You see, I have this really big audition coming up soon and I really want this part because like, it could be my big break in the industry, y’know? SO why stop at just reciting lines when I could BE the character? I’m sure you all know repetition of lines can only get you so far an– … Oh, the money? Look, I’m not stealing it. Yes, I’m taking cash without permission buuuuuuut, it’s not stealing if I just return it later, right? It…still is? (laughs before running away from the scene)

Rapunzel: I know that I was trapped in a tower for basically 18 years, and I was bored out of my mind. However, after living in “the real world", I am starting to wonder when will my life begin – to be easy.

It turns out that most things I did while oblivious to the real world are considered weird or gross. For example: falling in love with someone 8 years older than me, talking to a chameleon constantly, painting on walls, running around with bare feet, singing randomly, HAVING MAGIC HAIR THAT GLOWS WHEN I SING…I could just keep going.

It also turns out, being a princess isn’t as easy as it looks. You might assume that I just sit there with my tiara (which Eugene did give back), and do nothing, but as it turns out, having been missing for 18 years isn’t all that it's cut out to be. The number of interviews and police reports I have had to do is astounding. And then there is the whole dilemma about my family being complete strangers. I mean, sure, I look like them and I've been unknowingly painting our family crest for my whole life, but you can’t force family.

Also, when Mother Gothel said she knew best, she wasn’t entirely wrong. The number of weirdo ruffians and thugs who have decided to talk to me for no apparent reason is insane. Shouldn’t people know I'm with Eugene!?

They must at least know that I'm the princess. They all just assume that, since I've been in a tower for 18 years, I'm gullible and naïve! I would like to say that I'm not, but we all saw how easily I was swayed over with the promise of cute ducklings.

You may not know this, but not all ruffians and thugs have dreams. Some are just weird and drink too much - enough, so that if one of my floating lanterns touched them, they’d catch on fire. And then even through the flames they would say some weird thing like “ is this a real fire, or are you just that smokin’?” Most of the time, I don’t know whether to laugh, cringe, barf, or call Eugene to bring Max and come get me.

The royal guards won’t let me carry my frying pan anymore after the last guy that went a little too far. He definitely ended up seeing some lights… So now it's just Pascal and me trying to ward off these weirdos. But Pascal is not as useful as my frying pan.

In 2018, I was selected to become the new face of Canada’s ten-dollar bill. I beat many iconic Canadian women, who had all done important things to better our country because I had successfully brought courage and dignity, and equality to the black community in Canada.

It turns out, I became a role model for nothing.

100 years ago, I had to go through a lot of obstacles to study at the Field Beauty Culture School in Montreal, one of the few such institutions in Canada at the time that accepted black applicants. I can’t believe there’s still a 13.9% difference between the university graduation percentage of black Canadian women and that of all Canadian women!

100 years ago, no one cared when I started and expanded my own beauty business in Halifax. I always look forward to every February, when many black Canadian women like Kathleen Newman-Bremang, a black Canadian writer, broadcaster, and journalist, are invited to talk about their story of success during Black History Month. I just can’t believe the other 11 months barely mention them at all!

100 years ago, I had to put in special effort to support the employment of young black women in Canada. Today, black women are a common sight in the Canadian workforce, but I can’t believe that on average, black women still earn less than white men, only 59 cents for every dollar. Oh well, money is never the most important thing in life anyway.

100 years ago, I was not allowed to sit in the main seating area at the Roseland Theatre because of my skin color. Today, black people are free to go anywhere they want, but I can’t believe that 51% of the black community still claims that they have experienced discrimination in stores, banks, or restaurants. What huge progress!

100 years ago, I was forcibly removed from the Roseland Theatre and got my hip injured when arrested by the police. I can’t believe that black Torontonians are still 20 times more likely to be shot and killed by the Canadian police compared to the city’s white residents and that black Canadians are 50% more likely to be taken to a police station for processing after arrest, 100% more likely to be held overnight, and charged more than other Canadian groups.

100 years ago, the black Nova Scotians were inspired by my conviction case to stand up for themselves and fight to be treated as equal human beings. Today, I can’t believe that “83% of black people in Canada [still] say they are treated unfairly at least some of the time” because what matters most is a 2019 survey that indicates that nearly half of Canadians believe discrimination against black people is “no longer a problem”.